Dear Readers,
Below this note is an article from the Daily Mail, UK which would be useful for those who teach business English and for others who are curious to know the latest business jargon, idioms, catch phrase, acronymns and initialisms used in the office context.
For general readers, reading this article will help us gain useful knowledge and make us smile as some of the explanations about the jargons are really funny and bizarre.
The main source of these office phrases is from a recently published book:
Pushing The Envelope: Making Sense Out Of Business Jargon by Caroline Taggart (Michael O’Mara Books, £9.99).
Enjoy!
Rodney Tan
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OK you cubicle
monkeys, guess who's gonna be delayered in the blamestorm! Baffled by bizarre
office jargon? Let us translate for you
Sick
of bosses and work colleagues spouting incomprehensible metaphors, acronyms and
made-up words? If so, fear not - this handy guide to office speak explains
all...
Gobbledegook: David Brent could use many of
the phrases outlined in a new book on office jargon
SITTING
DOWN
When a perfectly sensible phrase already exists, why invent a daft one to
replace it? ‘Shall we sit down on this?’ translates as ‘Shall we have a
meeting?’
CUBICLE
MONKEY
A derogatory expression for someone performing a never-ending stream of dull
and repetitive tasks in the confines of a 5ft-x-5ft fibreboard cell.
MARZIPAN
LAYER
Stickier version of the glass ceiling. Barrier between middle-management and
the boardroom above which few women rise.
BRAIN
DUMP
You’re leaving your job — and the 30,000 emails, 400 Word documents and 150
Powerpoint presentations you accrued while there. You want to make this
information available to your successor but don’t want the bother of sorting
through the rubbish.
The
solution? Save it all on to the computer system and ‘dump’ it on the poor chap
who inherits your computer. Frankly, you’re beyond caring.
MANAGING
EXPECTATIONS
Also known as brazen deception — like telling your shareholders to expect the
worst, then dazzling them with better-than-expected profits. The great
proponent of this is the Disneyland theme park, which hangs a sign saying
‘Waiting time for ride from here 45 minutes’ at the point in the queue when the
waiting time is, in fact, 30 minutes.
Punters
are then delighted to reach the front of the queue 15 minutes earlier than
expected.
WATER-COOLER
MOMENT
This phrase first came into use in the 1990s to describe a controversial moment
in a soap opera that had everyone talking around the watercooler/fax machine
the following morning.
A chat about last night's television coined
the phrase water-cooler moment
Example:
‘Did you see Nancy on Strictly last night? Talk about hoisted by her own
feather boa.’
BLUE-SKY
THINKING
In the 1960s and 70s, blue-sky thinking was something to be avoided. It meant
an unrealistic, unaffordable pipe dream. But the phrase has had a make-over and
is now something to aspire to, meaning: ‘The sky’s the limit — so reach for the
stars!’
THOUGHT
SHOWER
Invented by the PC brigade in 2004, after civil servants deemed brainstorm
offensive to people with brain disorders such as epilepsy. The National Society
For Epilepsy then carried out a survey that reported ‘93 per cent of people
with epilepsy did not find the term derogatory or offensive in any way’. A
small victory for common sense.
PUSHING
THE ENVELOPE
In aeronautical parlance, the ‘flight envelope’ describes a plane’s best
possible performance — flying at the fastest speed, the highest altitude, using
full engine capacity. Engineers and test pilots who ‘pushed the envelope’ were
trying to create a plane that could fly faster, higher and farther than ever
before.
Now
it refers to any moderately ambitious office project, leading to the joke: ‘No
matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationary.’
JOINED-UP
A phrase much-loved by New Labour, which touted its ‘joined-up government’ of
supposedly integrated social policies. It has since spilled over into office
life, with firms bragging about their ‘joined-up thinking’. Which is invariably
nothing of the sort.
SWARM
INTELLIGENCE
The metaphor of swarm intelligence comes from
the notion of hives of bees or colonies of ants working together to a common
end. So team work
CORE
COMPETENCIES
Otherwise known as: ‘What you’re good at.’
BLAMESTORMING
A corruption of ‘brainstorming’, blamestorming is a meeting or discussion held
to establish who is at fault when something has gone wrong.
Everyone
concerned gathers to excuse themselves and pass the blame on to the nearest
scapegoat — like on The Apprentice.
MUSHROOM
MANAGEMENT
An aggressive style of management. Jonathan Green, who compiled a Dictionary of
Jargon in 1987, defines it as a theory of management that believes the best way
of treating employees is to ‘put them in the dark, feed them muck and watch
them grow’. Time off and pension packages do not feature heavily.
SALAMI
TACTICS
Refers to a type of computer fraud which transfers small — salami-thin —
amounts of money, never enough to be noticeable, from one account to another.
MASS
SAMPLING
If you’ve ever accepted a free cube of cheese in a supermarket or been accosted
by a perfume spritzer in a department store, then you’ve been a victim of mass
sampling. A marketing ploy intended to make customers try — then buy — a new
product. Also known as a freebie.
SWOT
ANALYSIS
A U.S. management term from the Sixties, SWOT stands for ‘strengths,
weaknesses, opportunities and threats’.
Discussion: Employees get together in a SWOT
analysis to talk about the business and its competitors - which the boss then
often ignores
Employees
get together to consider the business, its competitors and the state of the
market. Then the boss ignores them.
FUD
An acronym for fear, uncertainty and doubt — a set of negative emotions planted
in the minds of the public by those involved in politics and marketing. The aim
of a FUD strategy is to scare voters or customers away from voting for an
unproven party, or buying a rival new product.
ZERO-SUM
GAME
An outcome in which one side’s gain precisely matches another side’s loss. The
phrase originated in a branch of mathematics known as Game Theory. It’s what
happens when that greedy swine from accounts snaffles the last slice of cake
just before you in the canteen.
DELAYERING
A way of making an organisation less bureaucratic. Also a euphemism for
‘redundancies’.
(OUT
OF) LEFT FIELD
An American baseball term that has crossed the Atlantic. A ball bowled out of
left field is one the batsman isn’t expecting. A left-field idea comes out of
nowhere, doesn’t follow logically from anything that has been discussed before
— and may well be complete rubbish.
WOMBAT
‘Waste of money, brains and time.’ Swiftly followed by the sack.
DEAD
CAT BOUNCE
An expression born in the trading rooms of Singapore and Malaysia and adopted
by Wall Street in the mid-1980s. Working on the assumption that ‘even a dead
cat would bounce if it was dropped from a great height’, the phrase is used to
describe a brief upturn in the value of a stock after it’s hit rock bottom.
UPSTREAM/
DOWNSTREAM
Traditionally used by anglers and canoeists, the terms refer to various stages
in the manufacturing process. Upstream refers to the manufacturer, downstream
to the retailer. And somewhere at the furthest end of the stream, basking in
the shallows, is the customer.
- Pushing The Envelope: Making Sense
Out Of Business Jargon by Caroline Taggart (Michael O’Mara Books, £9.99).
Comments (10)
Some
of my (least) favourite: "Moving forwards" (doing it), "being
proactive" (having another meeting), "dynamic" (anything but),
and "forward thinking" (realising the project you are half way through
completing probably needs a reason for existing)
-
James, Luton, 04/10/2011 11:50
My
current hate phrase - "over arching"....GAH!
-
norfolksheep, Norfolk UK, 04/10/2011 11:08
"Top
slicing" is another currently fashionable piece of stupid jargon. I have
long been wary of people that use jargon, concluding that they usually have no
idea what they are talking about. Sadly local authorities are very susceptable
to using meaningless jargon. It's often in their staff job descriptions!
-
Peter Phillips, Surrey, 04/10/2011 10:45
My
very large company has loads. 'moving forward' means we are going to do what
the manager says even if it is daft and if you keep argueing against it you are
holding up progress. 'meet the future demands of the megatrends' means we have
no idea what the future of the business will be. 'Synergies' we have shoved
together two functions that don't work together, did it anyway. 'our vision' -
your vision, I will have my own visions thank you very much. blah blah..
-
The Monitor, Revelation, 04/10/2011 10:20
Guy
at my work says "I've no spare bandwidth" meaning he's busy!!! Don't
know how I keep a straght face.
-
Mboza Ritchie, Just up the road, 04/10/2011 10:05
As
far as I can remember, Ricky Gervais never used phrases like these in The
Office. - Mike, Thailand, 04/10/2011 04:57 Ricky Gervais did use management
speak in The Office. In series 2, he kept Neil up to date with a management
style called 'Team Individuality'
-
The bitter truth is hard to swallow, Birmingham, UK, 04/10/2011 09:31
