Poem: Nite of the iguana by Cecil Rajendra

 This fun and humourous poem must be read aloud to appreciate it's wonderful effect. Great for a class breather or to liven up a slow afternoon. Would work as an induction set for discussions on drugs or aphrodisiac. Note that this poem is written in the Malaysian local patois. Enjoy!

Rodney Tan
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Nite of de Iguana

Kuala Lumpur: The "heroin-filled condoms" doctors removed from the stomach of a man who claimed to have swallowed iguana eggs have been certified as iguana eggs. City anti-narcotics chief said the chemist's report confirmed the three objects removed from S. Adinarayanan's stomach were iguana eggs.

Doctors who had operated on him after he had complained of stomach pains found three oval-shaped objects which they thought were condoms stuffed with heroin and called the police.
-- 'The Star'

So one nite
my wife she tole me,
"Ayah, really lah
nowadays you tak guna."
I say, "Wat you mean,
wat you mean, wassamatter?"
She say, "You know lah
dat ting, dat ting ...
no mo fun, too fas lah."
So nex day after work
I go to see dis bomoh
explain my deligate probrem.
He tell me, "Dat kondishun
quite common, no probrem ...
urut also can, but urut
ohnee temporaree solushun.
I have sumtin better
much much better, but will
cos you plenny, plenny dollar."
I say, "Come on, pachee
doan play de fool wit me.
Tell me how much lah?
I no cheepskate wan.
Money no probrem when it
coming to looking after
der wife an der thungachee."
Dis bomoh den tell me
“Bess cure in town is egg
of iguana se-biji, se-biji
swallowed whole wit honey."
"I gip him pipty dolla
and makan tiga telor iguana.
I go home ready for ackshun
but all I get is plenny
stummach-ake and constipayshun
Adoi, pain terror, brudder;
so much so nex day I
mus go to Hospital Besar.
After X-ray, doktor he say
he must rightaway operayshun.
So dey put me to sleep
my han hancuff to de bed
and everywhere de mata-mata.
“What's going on, man?”
I ask de fierce sarjan.
Deffler say, "Adinarayan,
You a bad, bad man
To try an smuggle de
dadah in your stummach
bungkus in der condom."
I say, "You crazy or vat?
Dat no dadah, man
dat is egg of iguana!"
An den you know vat
he say, dees crazee sarjan?
Deffler say "Vereee funnee,.
Deh Adina, you tink
you can teech your
granmudder to suck eggs, ah?"
So 5-day awreddy I in bed
with hancuff an de sarjan
wile dey send de iguana egg
to testing in Camistry Deparmen.
And den dey fine out
(dees stoopid mara-mata)
wat I dun tell dem all along
dat in my poor stummach
is no topi perancis dadah
but reelly de egg of iguana.
Eye-yo, kadavallay, so much trubble
lah brudder, an all becoz i took
three leetle egg of de iguana
to help, you know lah, tahan lama.

-Cecil Rajendra